SwingOrama Forum

SwingOrama Forum: Lindy Hop: Creepy Guys

By oopapadoo*Aletha* (Oopapadoo) on Tuesday, July 25, 2000 - 10:55 am: Edit

OK, so I’m at a dance in Pasadena on Saturday night and this random guy asks me to dance. The music starts and right away I know I’ve made a terrible mistake. Somehow his hand ends on my stomach, UNDER my shirt. I grab his fingers and peel his sweaty palms (Eewwwww) off my body thinking it was just a Lindy faux pas (it happens sometimes right?) but on the next move his hand is right back the same place. Meanwhile he’s giving me these creepy “you look Mahhhvelous” looks and sashaying his hips perilously close to me. Yucky.
I managed to very forcefully keep my distance for the remainder of the song (think impervious frame!) and then skeedaddle as fast as I could on the last note, but not before he “tickled” my palm with his fingers (a sort of titillating “see ya later” message????).
What is up with these creepy guys? What I should have done was just walked off the dance floor as soon as the situation got uncomfortable, but I always like to give people the benefit of the doubt. I'd hate to hurt a beginner dancer's feelings just because his dancing style is a bit odd. Sigh.

And is it my imagination, or are these creepy guys always at least 15 years older then the girls they accost on the dance floor?

By Anonymous on Tuesday, July 25, 2000 - 11:32 am: Edit

I know for a fact that San Diego has several of its own creepy guys. I've run into one several times at Tio Leo's.

And I haven't even mentioned Ron.

By Anonymous on Tuesday, July 25, 2000 - 11:32 am: Edit

You know you are introuble whe there is some random guy that had a receding hairline and a button down shirt that was not buttoned up as far as it should have been. Add in a bunch of blues type moves to a upbeat swing song and you have the essence of a creepy guy encounter. Finally, the clincher is when the guy doesn't let you escape after one song...he tries to trap you in conversation on the dance floor or just automatically askes you for another dance BEFORE the first one has ended. That's rough, let me tell you!

By Albeth (Albeth) on Tuesday, July 25, 2000 - 11:38 am: Edit

Ha Ha! I met a creepy guy at a lindy exchange. He mistook being nice on the dance floor for more and would not stop following me around the floor. I got scared!

Just as bad, when a guy keeps trying to prove his gender by dancing tooooo close. Eewwwwwwwwwwwww! I hear it can be worse at salsa dances.

By HopMichael (Mhwang) on Tuesday, July 25, 2000 - 12:18 pm: Edit

Aletha,

Was that at PBDA? I've danced there once, and I've noticed the older crowd there...

By Lisa Conway (Lisaconway) on Tuesday, July 25, 2000 - 01:02 pm: Edit

Ask Nancy about the guy who bounced her off his belly! haha!

By Adminorama (Adminorama) on Tuesday, July 25, 2000 - 01:22 pm: Edit

I was with Aletha during the latest incident at PBDA. The guy was eyeing her all night, and wherever she went, he was sure to be close by.

It is tough for many women to say no to a request,let alone assess the "safety" of a dance. He did look relatively normal, but older. Age alone doesn't cause the problems though. (Heck, if we put age-difference restrictions in place in SD, I'm not sure we could survive it!)

By the way, the JP Monche and the Big Town 5 band is GREAT!

By Carla (Carla) on Tuesday, July 25, 2000 - 03:28 pm: Edit

The only time I could not get away from a guy was at Tio Leos. He was drunk and would not leave me alone. Later I discoverd it was Freddie A!

By Anonymous on Tuesday, July 25, 2000 - 04:24 pm: Edit

Aletha:

You were at the pbda- your surprised!

Amdinorma:

"Age alone doesn't cause the problems though. (Heck, if we put age-difference
restrictions in place in SD, I'm not sure we could survive it!)"

Are we surviving it?

By Shawn (Adminorama) on Tuesday, July 25, 2000 - 05:24 pm: Edit

PBDA is one of the friendliest places to go dancing. Between the cookies and punch as well as the group dance lesson during the break, they do try to encourage a positive atmosphere.

No, it isn't the "coolest" place, and vintage isn't king, but there is live music and endless room to dance!

As to age, are we surviving it? Define survival!

By Anonymous on Tuesday, July 25, 2000 - 09:52 pm: Edit

There's definitely the "cop a feel" dirty older guys at PBDA but there are some pretty cool people too.

By oopapadoo*Aletha* (Oopapadoo) on Wednesday, July 26, 2000 - 08:33 am: Edit

Nancy?? I want to hear about the bouncing belly guy! Heh heh heh.

By Jeff Eldridge (Jeff) on Wednesday, July 26, 2000 - 10:39 am: Edit

Aletha, I really feel strongly that you should have said to that guy,
"I'm not comfortable dancing with you, please excuse me", or some-
thing!!! If women stood up to guys like that maybe they'd leave the
scene and go elsewhere.

"Chivalrous" means: "marked by honor...gracious courtesy and high-minded
consideration, especially to women."

Part of the swing scene, I believe, is chivalrous, polite behavior.
Women deserve it and should demand it by refusing to dance with
anyone who's a creep on the dancefloor.

Even if it's someone you know. If they make you feel uncomfortable,
tell them. Issue a "warning". In some cases, ask for an apology. You'll
earn respect and have alot more fun on the dance floor!!!

By oopapadoo*Aletha* (Oopapadoo) on Wednesday, July 26, 2000 - 11:39 am: Edit

Thank you Jeff, I did made an mental note to do exactly that once the dance was over. Never again shall I be the victim of a Creepy Guy. I shall stand up for my rights as a woman and a Lindy hopper.

Once again, Jeff is the voice of reason and wisdom.

Rah Rah Jeff!

By oopapadoo*Aletha* (Oopapadoo) on Wednesday, July 26, 2000 - 11:54 am: Edit

Nobody can walk all over me unless I lie down first. - Abigail Van Buren

By Jessica (Jessica) on Thursday, September 07, 2000 - 07:46 pm: Edit

Of course, there is always the slick "accidental" lifting of the elbow during a outside turn that somehow "miraculously" connects with the guy (especially the jaw if he's really obnoxious)

By Shawn (Adminorama) on Thursday, September 07, 2000 - 09:42 pm: Edit

Oopapadoo, is it true? Would you have ever done that to a lead?

By Jessica (Jessica) on Friday, September 08, 2000 - 07:49 am: Edit

Maybe I'm not being quite fiar, not just a creepy lead, but one with roaming hands deserves that. He respects my body and I'll do the same for him. He doesn't . . . (and some don't, and won't let you leave the floor) well, all I have to say is that dancing is a contact sport.

By oopapadoo*Aletha* (Oopapadoo) on Friday, September 08, 2000 - 09:18 am: Edit

Thanks for the self defense advice Jessica!

I can't say I've ever intentionally nailed a lead in the jaw, but I've done it several time through sheer clumsiness (poor Shawn can attest to this!).

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