SwingOrama

[swiveltam]

I had one of my students ask this question. Since she was learning lindy hop, she wondered if it is okay to ask the asker to do a specific dance.

For example, if John Doe asked me to dance and I said, "Yes, but do you know Balboa? Can we dance it to this song please?"

How would you feel? Dance etiquette wise, what do we think?

[Katherine]

Fine, I think, as long as it is done politely. I've had guys ask me what I wanted to do / could do ("Do you know Lindy?" or "Is it ok if we do East Coast?") I've asked leads if they know Balboa or they've asked me. It's good.

Katherine

[StR]

I would be curious to hear for other people think about this.

Myself, - I would be fine with such proposition (as long as it is done in a friendly manner).
The possible caveat here is that the person who invited might not be able to dance that dance. Hence the way the invitee suggests a particular dance should leave a way out for the other person (thus avoiding an embarrassing situation for that person). E.g. I still wouldn't be able to dance Collegiate Shag.

In my opinion, it's perfectly fine if the invited follow would say: "Do you dance Balboa? If so, - do you mind dancing Balboa? This song is too fast for me (at the moment), - so if not, - can we dance the next, slower one, please?"

A few times, I've seen a follow making a sigh of relief when, while inviting, I was also asking if she danced Balboa; that sigh was followed by a brief explanation that she was too tired to dance lindy to that fast music. I sensed that she was afraid to ask for a specific dance and was too polite to decline the invitation.

[byron]

I ask for specific dances often and get asked for specific dances often as well. I think it's more then ok, it's simply polite.

I'm a lead and what we dance defaults to my prerogative, which isn't exactly fair.

Most of the time I just feel my way to what works with the song and the person, but if there's a strong risk of an unpleasant dance if particular common ground doesn't exist, I'll ask. In particular if it's a fast song and I don't know the follow, I'll likely ask if they know Balboa. Even if they are a beginner I can still lead a fun Balboa dance at much higher tempos then can be done with Lindy. It won't be much fun for either of us if I force her into Balboa she doesn't know or lead 3-5 east coast moves in a fast loop for the next 3.5 mins. I like good fast Lindy, but I dislike bad fast east coast much more and will avoid it like the plague.

Knowing Lindy (or at least East Coast) is largely assumed and never asked. It's the exceptions that get asked for like Balboa, Shag. When I get asked for a specific dance it's almost always someone who knows me or has seen me wanting to dance Balboa. I can only guess the Shag dancers similarly seek out fellow Shag dancers and ask them specifically.


In other scenes (nightclub ballroom, Victorian ballroom, country western) I've noticed it's common to ask specifically. There isn't a "baseline" dance like we have Lindy.

[swiveltam]

This is good stuff, keep it coming! Oh and BTW, I'll practice Shag with anyone, anytime!!!! I think that's a key thing too. You don't have to be an expert. I'm always happy to help someone out. I hope the leads feel this way too?

[Meeshi]

Great topic! It's so true that the dance agenda is usually whatever the lead feels like dancing. At the Firehouse this week, I'm going to try asking a few follows what and how they'd like to dance to a specific song. Let's see how it goes.

[byron]

[StR]

[swiveltam]

Hee hee hee! Yes, ANYWHERE~